Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Welcome To The Moms Club

Olivia is practically two weeks old and Im obsessed with her! My gaze is constantly fixed on those beautiful eyes. My fingers love to be gripped by her tiny hands. My nose is constantly pressed against her skin so I can soak up all that new baby smell. Crazy- I know! But with all the beauty that surrounds a newborn and all the well wishes you get there's a side of this whole new mom thing people dont tell you.

Everybody says "sleep when the baby sleeps". Nobody tells you that as much as you want to you cant. You constantly stare at your baby making sure they're still breathing or while you stare at them a million thoughts run through your brain 'I cant believe I carried a human...So this is who kicked at my insides....I wonder what babies dream of...who'll she look like when she's older...' So there goes that. I do sleep but its always in the process of ME trying to put HER to sleep! Waking up on the couch with a baby cradled in your arms staring back at you is kinda creepy despite popular belief.

I've been told "Once you have the baby you are gonna be so relieved that you can go out again". The thought of going out is more appealing than the truth of having to find time to do your hair and makeup & taking care of your motherly duties. In my case, yes I have a husband who can help but it's not the same. My way is the right way hunny haha I honestly have over 30 unread messages and close to 15 voicemails and missed calls....I just cant open the messages. You develop a social anxiety and wanna stay in your little apartment of freedom. I dont go anywhere outside of this apartment with the baby unless I have to or someone is with me. Scary world out there! Buuuuut I am relieved that sushi and ceviche is back in my diet. I can see my lady goods again and I can bend over to the front and touch my toes ;)

"Breastfeed Breastfeed Breastfeed!" Was anybody going to mention that it's not that easy?? The first couple days were the worst, little to no milk at all. Im pretty blessed in that area but that means nothing when the girls aren't producing fast enough for a newborn. One day I woke up with massive sore porn star size boobs leaking milk. Its called engorgement when that happens and NOBODY told me! Here I am thinking any sudden movement would cause these puppies to explode. I pumped and eventually got relief but still, woulda been nice to know! And when the baby has a hard time latching you feel like giving up but keep on trying because they'll get the hang of it. Oh and your boobs always leak milk. Try being at the market with a fitted shirt and hearing someones baby cry but have milk leak out of YOUR boobs showing through the shirt. AWKWARD...

Crying. Nobody tells you it's still a thing even after pregnancy. OF course you hear about postpartum depression and to seek help if you experience symptoms but this isn't a depression cry. It's more of a 'OMG I think I over fed my baby/ look at my fat stomach/ she's so beautiful/ I love her so much/damn look at this mess' kinda cry. Coming home from the hospital to a spotless apartment was one less thing I had to worry about but now this place is a disaster. Thinking about the effort required to clean and even cook makes me cry. Crying because someone ate all your frozen taquitos. Crying when you look at your baby sleep and repeating how much she means to you. Crying is still a thing even after pregnancy.

Life is like "CONGRATS ON BRINGING A NEW LIFE INTO THE WORLD!" Family and friends are like "CONGRATS ON YOUR BEAUTIFUL BUNDLE OF JOY!" & being so excited you fail to read the fine print:

for the first few months may cause prolonged tears for obvious or no reason, social awkwardness/isolation, sleepless nights, paranoia...If you are experiencing any of these symptoms
sig photo sig.jpg_zpskvut99wu.png


© Crystal B.. Made with love by The Dutch Lady Designs.